Thursday, August 26, 2010

More quartzies arrested in Ottawa

(DawgNews, Ottawa, August 26) Another nest of violent silicon-based life-forms with funny names has been uncovered, this time in Ottawa. Lashing their tails furiously, two of the hideous creatures were arraigned in a local courtroom yesterday.

A third, who had "passed for carbon" as a doctor and goofy Canadian Idol contestant, was apprehended today. The search is still on for three more of the scaly monsters. It is hoped that a trail of venom dripping from their massive jaws will lead specially trained RCMP attack dogs and armed personnel to their new lair.

Dubbed "Project Silica," the current police operation uncovered considerable evidence of bomb-making, religion and other potential threats. Prime Minister Stephen Harper, from a remote northern bunker, connected the plot to recent Russian incursions into international airspace and a boatload of Tamils on the West Coast. He warned that we have seen just the tip of the iceberg.

"Those hard-rockers from space are walking among us today," he said. "They mean us no good. They eat people, and that means you and me."

The succulent soft pink creature urged Canadians to be vigilant: "They always give themselves away," he said. "A word, a phrase, a gesture, an out-of-tune song." Bloggers are expected to play their patriotic part, and already many of them have taken on this new project with aplomb.

"Send 'em back where they came from, wherever the hell that is," reports one well-read commentator. "Yeah, and them, too." "Rockheads are violent retards," says another. Red-blooded Canadians are rising to the challenge--and, it seems, not a moment too soon.

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