Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Dispatches from the zoo

Our national fauna are flourishing:
  • Update on the giant lobster of Shediac: two "free the lobster" Facebook groups, competing auction bids to save it or cook it, and a groundswell of animal-rights fervor later, and the decision has been made--a true Canadian compromise. Big Dee-Dee* won't be eaten, but it won't be released into the ocean either--for that (you just knew this, didn't you?) you need a permit. The Atlantic titan will see out its golden years in an aquarium run by a research station.

  • Women have found a new way to make their feet silky smooth. Not advised for the ticklish.

  • A small python was found under a bed somewhere in Montreal. The bed's occupant felt "movement," and soon discovered the metre-long snake. The gendarmerie were duly called in, and one "alert police officer" grabbed it by the tail (but a snake is pretty well all tail, isn't it?) before it could escape though a hole in the wall. Which officer? A police spokesperson replied: "The bravest one. Or as we say, 'the one with the least seniority'."

  • Can animals sue?

  • From time to time I've idly wondered how Kate McMillan came to choose the name of her blog, Small Dead Animals. Subtitled "The Roadkill Diaries," it seemed to point to the ephemeral nature of news items. But judging from most of the visitors who left their, ah, deposits on my "Open letter to 'progressives'" thread, Small Live Animals might be a better choice. Small dead animals? "Not dead enough."

*I have no idea how this moniker was chosen, and I'm rather afraid to ask. But as I learned from my kids who caught a mouse in the house and called it Herbert, once you name an animal it makes things infinitely more difficult.

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