Not straight enough: deportation looms

An American man who fled San Francisco for Canada and claimed refugee status is facing deportation, DawgNews has learned.

Skip Tracey, 26, who left his home city last year claiming persecution because he was heterosexual, has for a second time had his refugee claim denied. Refugee Board adjudicator Ida Knowe issued a ruling yesterday that Mr. Tracey "just doesn't seem straight enough," noting that for the past several years in Canada Mr. Tracey has not had a girlfriend, and describing his wardrobe as "flaming."

"That's complete nonsense," said Biff Bomber, a spokesman for the Canadian Straight Arrows advocacy group, after the ruling. "If straight people have to have girlfriends all the time to prove they're straight, where does that leave Roman Catholic priests?" As to his attire, Bomber says, "He's not homosexual, he's metrosexual. If the Refugee Board hasn't got that one figured out, they're living back in the 50s. I mean, come on, get with the program."

Bomber, who says he is "between marriages," claims that Tracey faces serious reprisals if he is sent back to San Francisco, noting that Gay Pride Parade attendance is mandatory, and that forced pedicures are not uncommon. "They think it's funny to paint straight men's toenails," Bomber says. "Straight-bashing is an ever-present possibility."

"Tracey loves Canada," Bomber went on. "It's a safe place for heterosexuals. They can cruise public parks with baseball bats all night without fear," he said, noting with regret however that police still harass them on occasion. "But we've come a long way. We make almost as much as gay people, and some of us are even doing well in the fashion business."

Refugee Board spokesperson Mitch Tanner rejected Tracey's claims of persecution as "fanciful." "Tracey doesn't have to go back to San Francisco, just back to the U.S.," she said. "He can settle down in Montana if he wants," she continued. "But he's going to have to wear denim. Like that'll ever happen."

There has been no word as yet on Tracey's last-ditch appeal to Immigration Minister Diane Finley. His current whereabouts are unknown, but it is suspected that he is seeking sanctuary in a well-known Toronto breeder bar.