Eastern Europe's impending porn war

For anyone who thought that the Hans Island row smacked a little of fantasy, we now have a threatened war in Eastern Europe, with pornography as the weapon.

It seems that an enterprising Larry Flynt type in Russia, one Alexei Mitrofanov (I've searched in vain for the pun potential here, and must confess defeat), is making a movie. This is no ordinary boff-merchant: Mitrofanov is the deputy leader of Russia's Liberal Democratic Party, and a senior member of Parliament's lower house. His flick will star a woman who bears more than a passing resemblance to the President of the Ukraine, Yulia Tymoshenko, doing the nasty in a black helicopter high above the Pankisi Gorge with a man who looks eerily similar to Georgia's President, Mikhail Saakashvili. Coincidentally, the characters' names happen to be Yulia and Mikhail. The short film is described in the Moscow Times as "a relative quickie." [That’s more like it--ed.]

The actress in question, Elena Berkova, was once well-known on Russian TV, appearing on a reality show as the director of a marriage agency, until her screen life became known and she was let go. She's now a musician, with an album due for release this Fall. Her producer hopes that her high-flying escapade will generate a little publicity. Mitrofanov, meanwhile, is suggesting Dmitri Rogozin, leader of the Rodina Party, for the role of Mikhail. But he has apparently changed his mind: earlier he had complained that Rogozin was too expensive, saying it would be cheaper to cast Nicole Kidman.

The Liberal Democratic Party, for those with short memories, is Vladimir Zhirinovsky's outfit, well-known for wacky right-wing politics of the xenophobic variety. Zhirinovsky has in the past advocated such things as reclaiming Alaska, invading Iran, and using huge fans to blow nuclear waste into Germany. Although he had a Jewish father, he has been notorious for his anti-semitism, and has praised both Adolf Hitler and Pat Buchanan.

It appears that both Georgia and Ukraine have earned the wrath of these inventive Russian moonbats, the former for demanding the closure of Russian military bases, the latter for tussling with Mother Russia about energy prices.

Meanwhile, film-makers in the Ukraine, rumour has it, are fighting back, with a film featuring a gay porn star bearing an uncanny resemblance to Russia's President, Vladimir Putin, and another who looks very much like Ukrainian opposition leader Viktor Yanukovych.

Now, Canada's been suffering its share of US provocations recently. First it was softwood lumber, [That's quite enough--ed.] then North Dakota peeing in our pool. But readers are requested not to suggest, or even to imagine, film scripts starring George Bush and Fred Phelps lookalikes.