Hypocritical wind breaks

from the South

Another playful American heard from, this time an entity calling itself "Conservative UAW Guy." I suspect it's a committee. No one person could demonstrate the astounding intelligence to be found at his site. Check out the "dirty-hippie" jokes and shake your heads in wonder. (When the hell was the last time anybody saw a hippie?) Anyhow, he wants to know why it is that the Left is "silent" when Iran is hanging kids for being gay, after torturing them for a year or so. After all, don't we care about gay people? Hey, he's a right-winger, and he cares. Sure he does.

Readers of ProgBlog will know that comments about this outrage have already been posted. Our so-concerned American, however, apparently wants us all to post something, to prove that we're not closet homophobes, or hypocrites, as though we're accountable to him. Meanwhile, his folks get off scot-free, because right-wingers don’t claim to be anything but homophobes. Except for him, again. He's too busy eating his cake to notice that he no longer has it, but that won't stop him from trying.

I raise this here because this is such a classic example of right-wing strategy that it needs to be enshrined. Called on their racism, all these conservatives have to say is, "I know you are, but what am I?" Ditto for all the other forms of bigotry that they wear like brands on their foreheads, which no doubt explains their cheesy baseball caps and their refusal to look you in the eye.

To hear these knuckle-draggers tell it, the Left is anti-Semitic, racist, sexist, homophobic, you name it. We're probably going to burn crosses on people’s lawns this long weekend, instead of going on Gay Pride marches like "Conservative UAW Guy." What's behind this looking-glass world these Flintstone characters live in?

Well, see, it's plain unfashionable to be a bigot these days, thanks to the lib'ral media/the UN/the Trilateral Commission/ the Illuminati. But bigots need to get face-time, anywhere, it doesn't matter. "Hey," says Billy Joe Bob, "let's do the 'wuzn't me' thang. It was them leftists did all that stuff. The people the media hate are them guys. We're into freedom, academic freedom, Iraqi freedom, the whole nine yards. Bigots? Wrong house, Bubba."

And you know what? This white-lightning-induced ploy actually had some mileage, turns out. It confused the issues so much that cub reporters and conservatives began to claim that affirmative action was "racist," that sympathy for dispossessed Palestinians was "anti-semitic," that supporting women in custody battles was "sexist." But they had one problem that wouldn’t go away. Homophobia.

See, on that one leftists have been so obviously on the side of the angels, at least when the Pope wasn't looking upward, that you couldn't make it look otherwise by playing with word and facts. Same-sex marriage? Sure. Sexual orientation in the hate speech law (this is Canada)? Of course. The Right just sat there, the sound of gnashing teeth heard for miles around. What could they say, without looking like the stupid bigots so many of them are? Not that that stopped them, but seriously, people, who could defend gay-bashing? Who could seriously oppose people getting married who, a few seconds earlier, were being roundly cussed out for being promiscuous? By the same folks?

Enter Billy Joe Bob again. "Easy," he says. "Let's find some gay-bashing somewhere else. Hey, Iran's good. Let's call 'em on it." So he tracks a story down, and then brings out his wet noodle to whip the "left" for being "silent" about it. Meanwhile, his own wretched fellow-citizens are beating people nearly to death, or all the way, for being gay, and then celebrating it. Lots of protests, but not a word out of Billy Joe Bob about that.

Sorry, Hoss, but it's going to take more than a semi-literate post on your site to make this thing work. What happened to those children in Iran is unspeakable. I have a kid about their age in our house. That's the country that just let themselves off the hook for murdering a Canadian journalist, Zahra Kazemi. I'd love to invade Iran all by myself to put a stop to this crap, but I seem to be lacking a military. In fact, my whole country is lacking a military. Denmark’s annexing our territory. Denmark, ferchrissakes.

So I'll tell you what. Round up your good buddy George Bush and get him to go in there. Just one thing: he has to tell the world he's doing it to stop homophobia, same way he became a feminist at the last minute when he decided to topple the Taliban. And none of that collateral damage crap. Surgical strikes. Really smart bombs. I won't be satisfied till I see that ol' rainbow flag flying above the Majlis.

Post your letter to Bush right here. Then we'll have something to talk about, Billy Joe, and I'll even have a snort of that moonshine you're drinking. But I'm not holding my breath.