Cruci-fiction

Anyone would think that crosses are being erected all over Canada, or that the lions are being fed live prophets. I've been investigating some of the conservative blogs, and the "what next" refrain is growing steadily more deafening, like the screams of victims in the Coliseum. Aughhh! They're going to force the clergy to marry gays! Aieee! Legalized pedophilia's next on the gay agenda! Arghhh! No, polygamy!

Actually, the pumped-up rhetoric delights me: "The homosexual agenda is rolling through town like a German panzer!" writes one overwrought commentator. And my favourite, from the irrepressible Kathy Shaidle, "More K-Y for that slippery slope!"

So loving couples now have access to marriage, whether they're gay or straight. Remember when you people went around attacking gays for promiscuity and assorted other licentiousness? Now they want to get married, having obviously taken your advice to heart, and you're still not satisfied?

There’s no end, it seems, to the heterosexual agenda.

But fear not, timorous believers. Marriage Commissioners are not priests; they're public officials who aren't supposed to let their private beliefs overcome their public duties. Your children are safe, and in fact the Liberals have just made them safer, with a law that will likely target artists, not Christians. And if they ever get around to legalizing polygamy (which of course has absolutely zip-gulch, nothing, nada, bupkes to do with same-sex marriage), gays and straights will merely get an equal crack at it. Fair's fair, and that's all the Charter says. You know--live and let live. Love thy neighbour, without fear of discrimination. Heck, marry him, no matter what gender you are.

So settle down, now, and take a valium. In fact, take two. The sky isn't falling, that's just glitter-dust from the Pride Parade. And the new Romans aren’t coming to get you. The lions are safe in their cages, and the carpentry you're hearing is--renovation.