International sanctions declared against Canada

The United Nations today declared international sanctions against Canada only a few weeks after the election of a Conservative government headed by Prime Minister Stephen Harper. "As freedom-loving, democratic countries," a press release stated, "we cannot support or encourage this reactionary regime. Canada has some distance to go before it can resume its place in the civilized community of nations."

Citing Harper's refusal to recognize the Palestinian Authority, and recent statements from his office demanding that the Afghanistan government force its judges to accept Western standards such as tolerance and the separation of powers, the statement continued: "It is intolerable that a country should be allowed to 'go Conservative' simply because of the irresponsibility of its own people." While direct military force has been ruled out—for now—Canada can expect the imposition of reduced export quotas and a world-wide boycott of seal meat in the near future.

Applauding the move, the newly-elected President of Belarus, Alexander Lukashenko, declared: "Democracy is not a right but a privilege. It is far too precious a commodity to be simply squandered on the electorate."

Media were unable to obtain a comment from Harper's office. "He's out of town with his Cabinet," a typist in his office said. Refusing to provide further details, she stated: "He'll talk to you when he's good and ready."